Prose: Passing into the Abyss {testing excerpts}

So I’m thinking of writing a book based upon the concept of death and the mysteries and experiences that surround it. Using the foundation of my philosophical writings I am trying to depict the journey of a man who passes over. Here’s what I have so far: (criticisms, advice and comments would be much appreciated)…

A Story of Death

I lay here in this hospital bed, heartsick; no not heartsick: heartless. There are so many words in the English dictionary with such limited definition. You want to explain how you feel but no words seem to depict the depth of emotion that you hold. All you can do is paint distorted pictures with those…