The Struggle is Invisible

‘No-one seems to understand’
You say while tracing the lines on the palm of your hand.
‘No-one gets to see the pain,
That plagues me every single day’

The struggle is invisible,
It goes beyond anything you could class as clinical,
It’s like staring down the barrel of a gun and wondering ‘is this fixable’.
And all the while you are thinking-the-unthinkable:

That maybe if that gun went off,
All your problems would no longer be so tough,
And you would no longer have to face each day knowing it would be so rough.
Silencing all the doubts in your head with one final enough.

But you stop to think,
Is this wrong?
Overcoming something is what makes you strong.
But where is the strength I’ve needed all along?

Then comes the battle within your mind,
The one which resurfaces all that you thought you left behind.
The one which that poisons your eyes and makes you blind:
The little niggling voice in your head which tells you ‘we will always be combined’.
As if your mental health is something by which you always want to be defined.

This is where your fear begins to stay,
On that part of you that you had hidden away,
As it comes to the surface and gets stuck on replay.

‘Here’s an internal essay,
A reason for your soul to decay,
Everything that causes you dismay,
Well you might as well leave it on display,
So the world can point and laugh,
Stare at your weaknesses and cut you in half’

This is where you really start to come apart…
Thinking that you have to live with a battle between your head and heart,
Your mind begins to create a farce.
That maybe you were right from the start.

Everything becomes confused,
You start to believe you will always lose,
This is where the illness really begins to abuse,
Opening up everything that has ever left a bruise-
On your emotional skin,
And it states ‘well, why don’t we just begin –

To unravel everything that gives you identity,
Everything that has ever kept this from getting too heavy,
Well pass me an emotional dagger I’m ready,
By the end of this you will feel empty’

If only everyone could see how thoughts can be deadly….

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