Blurred discussion of My Lifes Purpose

You say you had never dreamt before me,
Yet before you I believed life was nothing more than a soliloquy;
That life was just a trail of unspoken feelings,
And voicing my own thoughts seemed to leave others reeling.

I was stuck in a space between happiness,
And the self worth I hung upon others judgements,
Not sure which one option carried more substance.
If that even makes sense?

My life became a race in which I wasn’t even running.
My ears became filled with this sickly kind of thumping,
My head became an instrument my thoughts became the drumming.
Soon my own sanity was the something I was hunting.

You saw the person I was becoming,
You understood I’d spent my life in hope of escaping,
Feeling that there must be more than this gaping-
-Hole in my chest.
The one which makes me feel like someone else always knows best,
The part of myself which I’ve always suppressed;
Never to be expressed because it’s too much for even me to digest.

However here I seem to have confessed,
All the parts of me that seem to stay depressed,
Below the surface.
All the while thinking if you heard this,
You’d ask what had spurred this
Blurred discussion of my life’s purpose.

So I spent time lacing my self worth around others words,
Hoping that their approval would make me work;
Maybe even fix me,
Believing ‘this time’ it’s possible someone will pick me.
That I’m more than just something people look at and decree:
A faulty run down appliance which has run past its guarantee.
No, this is not self pity.

It’s an awareness,
That you’ve been my life harness,
That you’ve been my safety net all those times I couldn’t do this,
That you’ve guided me when there was no light and I was stumbling blind through the darkness.
And you’ve seen through the facade and understood I’m harmless;
Turning round and spurning those with sharpness when they call me heartless.

And you never wanted anything for this,
Other than just a simple kiss,
And your eternal wish;
To be treated with the same love that you give.

You say you had never dreamt before me,
But before you I never knew what it meant to be free.


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