Ego Death: the concept of losing the identification with individual awareness and becoming timeless,eternal and existent in the form of collective consciousness.
Within my short-lived experience of this form I became aware of how much our ego embeds itself so deep within us, in attempt to burrow into our very essence; creating trap doors and false exits within our own thought processes. The obstacle we all have to face if we wish to touch a a lighter state is that of the ego and how it is bolted very firmly into our physical bodies. It seems now that as our society becomes more competitive the ego becomes a fashionable accessory which provides us with a false feeling of power over another. We parade around with this disingenuous armour of ego-confidence which voices in our head complimentary praise for our actions; thus whatever path we take in life we receive a reassuring warmth that we are doing right. We become trapped in the illusion that whoever has the biggest ego has the most power, and whoever has the most power in life is ‘winning’. This societal trick convinces us that life is a race, a competition, and that to succeed we must be as separate as we possibly can otherwise we can not achieve.
Thus when I was exposed to a unexpected loss of identification with worldly awareness, my conscious outlook became that of fear; the ego protecting itself from slipping away. Locked in a momentary awareness, my vision kept zooming in and out of what I can only describe as the optical image of existence. As I zoomed in the previous frame became a distant memory which faded into nothingness, so much so that I could no longer recall it. Sounds which occurred in these snapshots of life echoed three fold until the slide was changed and a new projection appeared before my eyes. All the while my ego played it’s part in inducing fear, convincing me I was dying and in immediate danger, therefore within each of these moments of terrified awareness I became sure I had to fight to my life. Mustering up all the psychological strength I could I fought to join each moment into a slide show, a montage of happenings; to prove to myself I existed.
However, the real event was my essence using these moments as a cathartic release for past instances which my ego held onto which induced the paranoid outlook which had plagued me for over a year. Notwithstanding this the ego created more fear during the catharsis and convinced me of my ‘impending doom’, therefore anchoring itself to me as vital for my survival. What became apparent to me was I was in an infinite ebbing and flowing cycle, one of which I had been in for 12 months; my ego would convince me of danger and a problem and present itself as the solution and the protector, embedding itself deeper and deeper within the layers of my psyche.
This epiphany redirected my entire focus on life, it visually displayed to me how to live within the moment and opened my eyes to how the egos need for survival comes before any psychological stability of its hosted essence.
Living your life feeding your ego will ultimately result in you losing the true being you are to physical enslavement. I’m still in the process of ‘un-anchoring’ mine and discovering all the trap doors it has created within the layers of my mind. It is clear that when I have completely freed myself from from the vibratory patterns of the ego, I will be free from the fear that has been holding me back.