I read this short story once:
” One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’
The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’ “
In the world we are surrounded by an ebbing and flowing energy which encompasses both negativity and positivity, just as it does within ourselves. We all have the choice whether we let the negativity consume us or whether we starve it with happiness. Some of us choose to enjoy the company of negativity, and frankly I don’t even want to think of that but others just let it beat them down and leave them broken.
Recently I have been unfortunate enough to experience what it feels like to feed a hungry wolf with fear; probably the most paralysing of human feelings. It wasn’t intentional more like a subconscious manifestation of problems that needed addressing: one of which was trust in humanity. Now I see the light in the world, the beauty in living and the love which comes with human interaction but it was like a veil had been pulled over my eyes; one that left me thinking everyone was not to be trusted and that I could never be safe. It’s easy to reinforce these theories in your head by only perceiving things in a negative nature and somehow my perception had been swayed this way.
Unfortunately when you start having these kinds of thoughts you really do fixate upon them, causing your inner light to dim and your vulnerability to show; leaving you more open to negative forces from both inside yourself and the outer world.
It’s truly hard to distinguish between what is reality and what has been conjured up within you, leaving you drained, distrustful of yourself and the world, and in a state of high anxiety. High anxiety associated with these distrustful thoughts leads to a build up of adrenaline which often ends in a panic attack; and in my case this meant my subconscious supplying me with a panic attack almost everyday, in any situation.
The thing with most of us is we ignore our problems until they have escalated into full blown psychological issues and even then we try to mask these issues with drugs and do not really enter our own psyche and fix them that way. It seems strange to me that to fix a problem you’re prescribed beta-blockers and benzodiazepines which stop you from a high level of brain traffic and therefore stop you from engaging with your brain on a deeper level. Obviously it is understandable that medication for some people is the only answer when their problems are so deep rooted that mere shift of paradigm will not help.
Realising that the root of this psychological trauma was down to a negative assessment of everything, it was obvious that to losen this paraniod grip I would have to consciously change my entrained thought processes. However difficult it sounds to enter the core of your thought patterns and consciously address a habitual negative pattern, it can be done. Although sometimes I still hear the echoes of the negative wolf enticing me to feed him with fear, I know that I will not let him consume my essence again.